Loving Being Me

Kindness to Yourself as a Prime Directive

by on Feb.11, 2011, under Uncategorised

We have often been told we are selfish – which means we are doing something we want to do, rather than something somebody else thinks we should be doing. Quite often the someone else is a little voice in our heads. Sometimes we are doing something the voice in our heads is directing us to do which upsets the voice in someone else’s head. This all puts us in a quandary.

Consider the following: if we buy into this principle, we are supporting someone else’s egoistic view of the world (and the voices in our heads are often other people’s in the first place).

What we would rather know is: what is the kindest thing to do under the circumstances? – Is it to see to someone else’s needs before our own? It might be: in fact, serving someone else’s needs when it is right action also serves us; and we know, because we feel the ease and alignment that goes with this ‘right action’. By reflection, serving our own needs as priority, when it is right action, also serves both.

Take the classic case of the “cat woman” who rescues everyone and everything in sight because she is trying to rescue herself by proxy.  You can’t heal yourself by healing others; and you can’t heal others past the point you are healed yourself. Part of the issue is believing there is something excluding you from the healing you are wishing on everyone else. Not only does that ideation really need healing, it is also impossible to encourage other people to the ultimate act of accepting kindness when you are broadcasting by example that it is wrong.

So you are wanting for other people what you would most want for yourself – if you live in a wealthy country, this can result in thinking the solution to deprivation in the so-called “developing world” is for people who live there to have stuff like people do in the West; or you may believe that the rest of humanity wants to heal like you do, by opening fully to Spirit in this life. These are ways the ego-mind projects and imposes itself on the world. As you will know, “having stuff” simply externalises our fulfilment without satisfying our cravings, whereas being healed and relishing beauty around us without needing to own anything is immensely satisfying and brings Peace. The beauty is free to do what it wants, and we are free to enjoy it. In fact we own nothing in this world, not even our bodies. Furthermore, not everyone wants to heal the way you do. That’s not what they came to do, unless they did. More accurately, no-one else wants to heal exactly the way you do, because you have a unique journey.

So ask yourself what you would most want for yourself – and if the world were to end tomorrow for you and you were to consult your wisest adviser when you find yourself an expanded Soul once again; and he asks you with great tenderness: “What did you come to find, to explore, to develop and to give – how did this journey enrich your being? And what gift did it have for you, which you now bring back to enrich Creation? – You might find yourself saying: “In my human body, I didn’t think I deserved the resolution of my deepest longing, so I didn’t do as much of the finding, exploring and developing as I otherwise would have”; and he might say: “Why ever not – and what happened?” and you might answer: “I thought it would be self-indulgent; I believed it to be wasteful and shameful, and that I couldn’t be trusted to use it properly. At the time I needed to give to myself most, I thought it was both selfish and wrong; and that I wasn’t doing what other people most needed – and paradoxically I had less to give in the end.” So now you will have brought back a wonderful understanding.

There is a belief that when we meet our own needs, which is what the Universe most wants for us, that it will be at someone else’s expense. This derives from a belief in scarcity and the destructive power of envy. In fact, when you are healed, you have a much greater capacity to help others, and to help them accelerate their own healing. If nobody finally gets home, there’s no-one to come back out into the dark woods and say: “it’s over here – I found it; what’s more, when I got there, I was shown a quicker way than the one I took!!!” Instead a whole lot of people help each other to arrive at a set of different lost places, and mill about, some groups setting off on false trails.

The truest way to help others is to find your own way. When you do, your generosity of spirit naturally opens, and you find ways of bringing the others far enough along the way that they will find their own routes to their own homes. They in turn will come back to help the others.

-> Let’s look at an analogy. If you are roped together with another mountain climber and you both begin to slip, and you are higher up, you know it is futile to throw the axe to the climber below. Even if s/he catches it, you will recognise, as you hurtle past, that it is now a far more difficult situation to retrieve.

If you are healing, the more clarity you have, the more stability you can offer. It becomes easier to be the still point and weather what you perceive as chaotic movement in and around you (both ‘in’ and ‘around’ being essentially the same thing). Not only that, but by the very fact of attaining greater clarity, you bring more Truth to the world. Why? Because you discover that there is no part of the world that is not also You. As you climb higher, you can see far more distant horizons. Your awareness encompasses ever-expanding vistas, all of which are you, and include everything and everyone in view. You can let people know: this is how you get up here. And you extend a hand. If everyone serves every one else first on principle, no-one rises above ten feet.

-> Here is another example: suppose you had £120m, and there was some fabulous healing elixir that cost that much for one dose. Whoever takes it becomes clear with a healed ego that understands that its will is not paramount; and, in that clarity, that person will see a path others can use to find clarity themselves. You could either drink it yourself, or argue endlessly about who was most deserving or trustworthy; or, to settle the argument, and to get a bit of peace, unselfishly buy everyone in the UK a £2.00 bottle of beer, on the basis that everyone understands that kind of kindness, and that everyone would be a bit happier for a short while, and leave you alone.

Well, there is also a rule that in a holographic world, the change in one part affects the whole, and lays down a template that becomes part of the consciousness of the other parts. One person healing one way can begin a cascade; eventually the process becomes easier as the territory is more travelled. The rate at which the journey can be made simply accelerates.

-> When the first escalator was installed in Harrods, London, it wasn’t very long and went up only one floor. Staff stood by at the top to catch those travellers who became faint with stress, offering tots of brandy to revive them after their ordeal. The first trains were limited in speed; people started by believing that anyone travelling over 20 mph or so would face certain death from the stresses on the body. We are now free of those unhelpful paradigms, but first more and more people had to experience the journey and arrive safely. What’s more, we are now sure at an unconscious level that we can travel at stupendous speeds, and in fact that goes for our spiritual evolution as well.

Also we now understand the 100th monkey paradigm – sometimes called Morphic Resonance – that when enough people learn to do something, everyone gets it easily and spontaneously; and to completely get this you need only to look at the ease, speed and wondrous dexterity of the young using technology almost before they can talk.

Kindness to yourself as a priority gives permission for everyone else to find their way home, and passes them a map with a new route you have pioneered.


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